“alright heres the deal, my boy john’s mom found out that he has been smoking up in his room and now she is accusing me of getting him into it because I’m 2-3 years older than he is, my question is what should I do because I am really fuckin confused on what to do here, help me out chronic”

Answer:

Educate John’s parents. (You’ll need to do some research online.) Explain to them that the overwhelming majority of the kids in your school drink, but that after researching the effects of marijuana and those of alcohol that you’ve made the responsible decision in choosing pot over booze. Show statistics on drunk drivers and stoned drivers. (a 1992 NHTSA study concluded that drivers under the influence of marijuana were SAFER THAN SOBER DRIVERS.)

Show her evidence of marijuana promoting neurogenesis. Show its cancer-fighting properties… Show her why she’s retarded for not knowing anything about that which she condemns.

My friend Tim is a big hot dog eater.
Not in the gay way but he eats lots and lots of hot dogs from the gas station.
He dosn’t just get one he gets 2 hot dogs and puts them in with 1 bun and only pays for one hot dog.
He is white trash but thinks he is black.
When he steels hot dogs is he being white trash or ghetto?

Doug D3″

Answer: I can’t call it… It’s equally white trash and ghetto. I think we can thank Eminem for this kind of guy. 1 part WT, 1 part ghetto, shake well, serve with fake ice.

Whatever race or background the guy is, He deserves some sort of an award… Stealing hot dogs may be the lowest criminal act of which I’ve ever heard. I mean this can’t be a money issue can it? I really hope to read about your buddy in the newspaper one day, I can picture the headline now: “Serial Sausage Snatcher Snagged by Security”

I had a freind for like 6 years, we were kind of -off and -on but I just found out 2 months ago that she slept with my ex while he and I were together (he told me when I ran into him at safeway) this was 3 years ago, I have a new guy and have moved on but I feel betrayed. I have found out alot of stuff recently like she has also lied to me about alot of stupid and some important stuff like her REAL age( she is 4 years younger than the age she told me and currently under 18), whos the father of her children, what other freinds have done to her, and a whole lot of small stuff- you get the picture. Everytime we would go out she would pick fights with people her being the crazy drunk and me being the stoned calm one I could care less but I would always get drug into and sucked into it. Especially when she would ditch me places when I was drinking to go meet guys. ( she gets around) Normally I would smoke a bowl and say” oh, well” but I decided to call her out and told everyone the truth about her and get rid of her, but she is hell bent on making my life hell and turning mutual freinds against me, she has been making up lies and starting all sorts of drama. Im so glad I got out when I did but Im really pissed and I want to shut her up once and for all what should I do?”

Answer: You sound really spiteful for a pothead. My real advice would be to completely up and move. Get the hell away from all the drama of a place where 17 year-olds can pull off masquarading as 21 year-olds without anyone callin’ ‘em on it. Find some smarter friends with higher standards and let her keep all the old friends… Of course you won’t do that, so the back-up advice is to try to quietly avoid her… all discussion of her including shit-talking and everything. Just pretend she doesn’t exist.

Or you could come up with an elaborate plan to kill her using a 9-iron, a clothes iron, or some multi-vitamins with lots of iron…

I have this problem. I have been dating this guy for around two months now and he has started to act strange. He gets jealous easily, he claims that I am flirting with my exes, he seems to be trying to make me jealous(and I don’t get jealous very easy), and he claims that I am overly possessive when I joke around about things being “mine”. I don’t know what to do. We have had a good relationship up until now. But ever since one of my exes has come into my life, he has been acting this way. Now, I am not saying that I don’t have my exes in my life, I do, and try to keep them as friends so as not to cause problems where we hang out. But he has just become very upset about this and about me supposedly being possessive and insanely jealous of girls that talk to him. To be honest, I could care less. I have always known there were girls in his life, and because of that have no right to be pissy about it now. But he has always known that I have guys in mine and I don’t see why now he is upset. By the way, he is acting this way towards the guys in my life, but acted weird when it was my ex- girlfriend that I ran into. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle him or why he might be acting this way?

Sincerely,

Confused in KC”

Answer: Almost all men are jealous. It’s just how we work. If you care about this guy, let him know that he’s the most important guy in your life and commit to him. Let him know he’s the only one you’re sleeping with, and the only one you care to be with. If this isn’t the case, break up with him. Leading people on is just shitty.

As far as the ex girlfriend goes, that may be even more threatening to him than another man… It’s tough for a man to compete with a woman sexually.

I need your help. I’m a freshman in college and I share a dorm room with a friend from high school who wacks off all the time like at least 3 times a day. He doesn’t ever lock the door, and I actually brought a girl over the other night and when we walked into my room, my roommate was sitting naked at the computer beating it to internet porn. I feel like I can’t even hang out in my own dorm room.

Help me!

Sick of picking up tissues”

Answer: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That’s fuckin’ funny right there, I don’t care who you are! Ask Larry!

Your roommate doesn’t like you much does he? I mean you don’t make it to 18 and not learn about flogging the dolphin in front of people. Has it occurred to you that maybe he’s trying to embarrass you or freak you out?

Does he have a big dick he’s trying to show off? I mean there are all kinds of explanations for the behavior… when I was 18, 3 times a day was a slow day… I’d work out 7-8 if I had time. He may just have realy really bad timing…

My advice would be to lay some simple ground-rules. Tell him to lock the door (sounds like you’ve already done that, but reiterate it), give him a copy of your schedule… encourage him to rub one out while you’re in chem lab. Try finding him a girl… or 3.

recently i got super stoned on the finest bud i have ever smoked and proceeded to mow my front lawn. I live out in the country so natraly i have a big yard…Riding lawn mower bitches! Un fortunatly, i fell asleep on it only to wake up to a horrible screeching sound and opened my eyes just in time to see my girlfriends cat being spit into the clippings bag. Two questions:

1- where should i dispose of the pieces?
2- should i buy a new one that looks the same?
3- should i tell her?

Please give me some suggestions or at least something to make me laugh, and possibly use in the conversation about her muttilated cat.

TexanBud”

Answer: First off, I have to call bullshit on this story/question, but I’ll respond anyway. You have a few different options as I see it. You could:

A.) Leave the cat pieces in with the grass clippings and pretend to be clueless about the entire incident.

B.) Start putting up “lost cat” posters around town.

C.) Casually mention to her that you saw some coyotes near the property

D.) You could start killing other cats in the neighborhood and make your girlfriend think there’s a crazed cat-killer on the loose.(be careful about hiding evidence if you choose this option)

E.) Tell your girl that a Korean family has moved in a mile away, and you heard pets have been coming up missing.

F.) Act really paranoid about bird flu. Share news articles about cats that have been infected.

G.) Tell her you accidentally killed her cat, take her out to dinner, buy her a whole bunch of shit, and deal with the fact that every time she gets mad at you from this day forth that you’ll be reminded that you’re a cat-killer.

I always get the munchies when I smoke. What in the chronic makes me hungry chronic?”

Answer: Marijuana contains many chemicals, the most well known is of course tetrahydrocannabinol, THC. This chemical is part of a family of chemicals known to science as endocannabinoids. These chemicals mimic natural chemicals in the brain that regulate appetite. Some new research indicates that THC itsself is actually an appetite suppressor, but is overpowered by the other endocannabinoids contained in typical smoke. These endocannabinoids stimulate receptor cells in the brain that control the sensation of hunger.

Can I get herpes from smoking with someone who has it?”

Question: “hey, i have a question about that. I used to smoke every day be high all day.. all my friends wud get “the munchies” and i would never be hungry at all. I would actually forget if i had eaten that day or not.. and being high made me feel like i wasnt hungry.. i have a fast metabalism does that have enthing to do with it. i actually lost weight.. and to start out i only weighed at least 105lbs. Im 17 and when i smoked i lost 15lbs is that normal. I am a girl so naturally i dont eat alot to begin with and i am very self conscience about my weight. weed actually helped me to stay in shape and when i wasnt high i ate little amounts… i think marijuana is very healthy. lol, atleast on my part.”

Answer: I get the feeling you only wrote me to frustrate me with your poor grammar and brag to the female readers about how thin you are. The only explanation I can come up with is that it’s all part of your eating disorder, and since you’re so concerned about your weight you blocked out the munchies. In doing so, you learned how to further suppress your appetite.

Your fear of getting fat from too many munchies led you to abstain from eating even healthy ammounts when you were high. The more often you were got high, the more often you found yourself denying yourself little munchies.

Answer: Different drugs do different things. If you’re into the high from coke and meth, weed’s gonna be boring. No amount of weed is gonna wake you up and make you feel invincible. It’s not your high… Brain chemistry can be permanently altered by substance abuse, and if you’ve used enough coke, meth, or X, it’s gonna fuck up seratonin and dopamine levels. Since your brain’s receptors have been conditioned to these uppers, they’re unresponsive to other chemicals introduced like those found in marijuana.

As far as weed being fun when you’re drunk, I don’t really know what to tell you. I guess it would be an indication of hard-core addiction. Since weed usually makes a drunk person hurl (unless they were high when they started drinking). I think that the reason you only like to smoke when you’re drunk is because that’s the only satisfactory marijuana high to you. You like to be REALLY fucked up.