Howdy all

I stopped by your site in my ever search for drugs, no wait, that didn’t sound right. I mean for things that have to do with the research of the plant called Cannabis and its many uses throughout history. I am always looking for the ultimate high and love to share some of my stories, thoughts, or even a few delusions of my many years of being stoned. Hell, I have been stoned longer than most of you have been alive. (Hang on…. K)…. *cough*. What I was trying to say is … whooooo Nice!…

Ok I was back to saying, How many ways can you make an emergency smoking instrument, Ya know a home made bowl? I have a few ides, but want to hear more. Besides the old soda can pipe, have ya ever used an apple? No serious. Bite a small chunk out of the apple (the bowl), and poke a small pencil through the bite and out the other side. Ya have to draw slow, but it is such a sweet draw it is worth it.

Well, I need to get moving on, no dust is gonna settle on this Old Stoner! Think about my words… and tell them to me later, so I will remember what I said.

Laterz

Lung Hacker (aka The Old Stoner)

Written by The Old Stoner

Wise Old Stoner's Corner | No Comments »

What happens you decide to go one Sabbatical not the religious type just a break from the pot. First of all you become more lazy and apathetic than usual. I’m a lazy and apathetical person to begin with, I sit here all day long trying to pick fights on the internet, it’s similar to the Special Olympics. It’s kind of retarded and everyone’s a winner, with the major difference of nobody gets a medal.

They should hand out medals to everyone for everything, they give you chips in A.A. You’ve been sober now for a week here’s a chip. What if A.A. chips were a publicly traded form of currency. I think we would have a lot less alcoholics, or more recovering ones at that. Every time someone says something profound we should give them a medal, and they should get two if they never graduated high school. Here’s a medal for being you, everyone should feel special for at least one day. So today you are special here’s your medal.

What happens when we throw cookies into the mix? Complete and total anarchy that’s what, so we would have to give out cookies no one likes, like those one’s that are similar to fruit cake but not quite. I don’t really understand everyone’s beef with fruit cake. It’s not that bad, I think people give fruit cake a bad reputation because it doesn’t ever go bad, if it could retain it’s moisture like Twinkies I believe it would be a nationally traded commodity. If we could develop a fruit cake that would retain it’s moisture, we could send one to every country that’s pissed off at us right now with a letter that says, “Sorry that was our bad, here have a fruit cake and a medal. Today China, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Most of the continent of Africa, Korea, Russia, and even you France, you are special today.”

See this is what happens when I go on Sabbatical I believe all our nations problems can be solved with nice letters, a fruit cake, and a medal. The other option is to rise up as a nation over throw King George II and send all of those countries a letter saying, “Yeah we know, that guy was kind of a dick, sorry our bad, here have a fruit cake and a medal, today we are all special.”

So no more Sabbatical and stop following me you damn government agents. Because Today We are All Special.

Written by Handsome Rob, AKA Tokey The Bear

Rants | No Comments »

Okay. I am going to try to put this down slowly so you can all wrap your minds around it. So last night I am high and watching the Sci-Fi channel (no surprise there)… I was too high to change the channel after the Stargate re-runs, and they were airing a special on UFO’s and government cover-ups. Now I know we have all seen these shows, on every channel. Who hasn’t heard of sightings and landings and alien abductions, right? I mean who hasn’t had an alien ass probe, right? Right? Just me, huh?

Well, anyway, last night they were addressing the subject differently. They were discussing the national security risks of the possibility of the existence of “aliens”.

I am going to digress right here, as is my stoner right, but the “possibility of the existence of aliens”?! What the fuck? Let’s break that down. What exactly is the possibility of the existence of aliens? What is the percentage chance that other intelligent life exists in an “infinite universe”? There is actually a scientific formula that is widely accepted that explains in a mathematical equation what the probability of life existing elsewhere actually is, and also another theory that expounded upon this formula further, but I am too high to remember either of these cats’ names, nor the names of their theories and formulas, but here is the stoner break down:

If you assume that the universe is indeed infinite, then that would mean that that there are indeed an infinite number of possible planets with intelligent life. That would not just be a 100% chance of the existence of intelligent life elsewhere, that is like…. infinity %… isn’t it?

So back to my point, if indeed there is a 100%, or better yet, and infinite % chance of the existence of beings who have the ability to bend space enough to travel to our planet, employ technology that allows their “UFO’s” to out maneuver out earthly aircraft and weaponry, then would this not constitute a great enough possible threat to national security for us to dedicate some of our defense budget and research towards understanding these UFO’s sightings. Yet, as anyone who digs deep enough will find, we have no known national alien or E.T. or UFO research department, now do we. Just ask presidents Ford, Carter, and Clinton, all of whom asked these questions during their terms as president, and all of whom hit dead ends.

As I was burning another bowl and pondering this ironic idiocy, it dawned on me why we don’t. I thought perhaps if the governments all came out and publicly declared that aliens from other planets do indeed exist and have been running amuck on our little blue and green ball, there would be a panic; a global social panic. But the real meat here is when you ask why? Why would the majority panic?

I will tell you why. Because there is nowhere in the Bible, the Torah, or the Koran that tells us how God says we should deal with aliens. The majority of this planet believes in a bunch of myths and legends that are so farcical that to believe in things like science, evolution, and yes, indeed, aliens of intelligence from another planet… to believe in these possibilities is impossible for today’s modern religious mentality. We have socially rewritten our brains to allow only certain possible scenarios. Jesus’ second coming, and a finally battle between good and evil, Armageddon, the end of the world brought about by a fight between God and the Devil…. Sure that could happen, but another race of people, evolving on another planet far away, just as we evolved on this planet, well, how could that happen? The bible doesn’t say that God made another planet, or another race of people; so round pegs of UFO’s and E.T.’s don’t fit in the square holes of our theology.

And that is really the point, isn’t it. The gaping holes in our “human theology” that allow us to live content with ourselves. Believe we have and serve a purpose. Believe we are the One and Only intelligent life form “God” has ever bothered to build in this whole “Infinite” universe. Damn we’re arrogant, aren’t we?

Don’t get me wrong, faith and philosophy has its place in our world still. I, for instance have faith that this weed I am smoking will indeed get me as high as I need to be, and my personal philosophy that everyone else is wrong, and I am right, works just fine for me. But I think as a race of humans, we should try to expand our social and personal faith and our belief structures to include the rest of the universe, and not just this little ball we’re floating around on.

But sadly, as Ronald Regan put it in his speech to the UN in 1988 (yeah, I am fucking quoting Regan) “I occasionally think how quickly our differences, worldwide, would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world.”

And he’s right; we will sit around bombing the shit out of each other because we can’t agree which version of make believe is the best, and whose imaginary friend can beat up who.

So, until E.T. rolls up in a starship, and steps up from anal probes to extermination, I say pack it, puff it, and pass it my way. This may take a while.

Written by Hashmander

Politics | No Comments »

I have been getting a rash of emails lately from friends and family supporting prayer in public school.

So if any of you are thinking of adding me to your list of “supporters” for you attempt to establish a “Theocracy”….., you might want to read the following before you hit the send button.

I couldn’t disagree with the idea of public prayer in school more. It is offensive to me to think that a single religion should be enforced in a public arena. Especially something as raw as a Childs mind. However, if this “Public Prayer” policy is to also include a fair and open minded, mandatory “World religion” class, and the “Public Prayer” can be a prayer to any and all deities, then I would whole heartedly agree. I went to public school where far too many of my peers where devout Christians, and teased and persecuted other religious beliefs in my school, because, as has been true through out time, they did not understand other theologies and philosophies. If you want to educate our nations children as to the differences in this world’s religions, and make it acceptable to chose their own beliefs, then I am all for it.

But when I hear the words “Prayer in Public Schools” I think of Christians, using one of many versions of the Christian bible, praying to the God of the tribe of David, and his immaculate son Jesus; I think of in-equality, and closed-minded, uneducated children. Their are still so many people of all ages that I know who cannot think rationally, of even accept modern science due to heavy faith in their “religion.”

What about Jewish, Muslin, Pagan, Hindu, etc. children being forced to see another religion, and Christian children having their religion reinforced without exposure to other cultural systems of faith. I think that in these troubled times, this is the last thing we need our children to be exposed to. We should be exposing our children to more of the world, not closing the doors and forcing Christianity down anyone’s throat.

I find this “Prayer in Public Schools” a very dangerous possibility to the future of our children. Think of Muslim children in the Middle East that are never taught about Christianity, and therefore hate us and our faith. Do we want our children to grow up this closed-minded and one sided?

My answer is no. I understand the fear and the troubled times that encourage this rhetoric, but that is all it is: Rhetoric. I am afraid that this kind of thought process is too many steps backward, when we should me moving forward. Our children should grow up better than us, and Public School prayer will only close their minds at an early age.

I must, therefore, decline this idea. I also have to wonder, why anyone would think that it would be a good idea to combine something as mind-closing as religious practice with something as mind-opening as an education. If you want you kids to pray in school, enroll them in a Christian School (of course you may increase their chances of molestation, but hey, that’s your choice as a parent.)

And let me add that I do personally follow some of the philosophies of Christianity (as well as an amalgamation of philosophies and ideologies from around the world) and if (and when) I do have children of my own, I will educate them to ALL the worlds religions that I can; encourage them to study for these faiths for themselves, and encourage them to chose the faith that they find in their hearts, which is what I have done.

I have no problem with prayer in school, so long as it is not faith specific. Who, pray tell, will your children be praying to?????? And what “educational value” would this offer?

Written by Hashmander

Spirituality | No Comments »

In no particular order, these are songs that EVERY so called “music lover” must hear at least once, if not fall in love with. These are what I consider classics and at the very least, should be respected for the amount of influence they’ve had on musicians and other groups/bands over the last several decades.

1.) Joy Division - “Love Will Tear Us Apart”
2.) New Order - “Regret”
3.) The Smiths - “How Soon Is Now”
4.) The Cure - “Boys Don’t Cry”
5.) Depeche Mode - “Enjoy The Silence”
6.) A Tribe Called Quest - “Award Tour”
7.) The Dazz Band - “Let It Whip”
8.) Parliament/Funkadelic - “Knee Deep”
9.) Morris Day and The Time - “Jerk Out”
10.) Mos Def - “Umi Says”
11.) Jeff Buckley - “Last Goodbye”
12.) Blind Melon - “Tones Of Home”
13.) Pearl Jam - “State of Love and Trust”
14.) Smashing Pumpkins - (anything off “Gish” honestly)
15.) The Clash - “Rock The Casbah”
16.) Grandmaster Flash - “The Message”
17.) Chicago - “Saturday In The Park”
18.) Pink Floyd - The entire “Wall” album
19.) Rush - The entire “Exit Stage Left” Album
20.) Kraftwerk - “Musique Nonstop”

Obviously, not everyone is going to agree with me on this, but if you’ve got your own 20 Songs Every “Music Lover” HAS To Hear, drop me an e-mail and we can discuss it. I KNOW I’m missing some, but it’s difficult to narrow it down to 20.

Written by Bucho

Music w/ DJ Bucho | No Comments »

Jack’s Mannequin - “Dark Blue”

Music - 5
Vocals - 4
Lyrics - 4
Delivery - 5
Energy - 5

Imagine if the Ben Folds Five, The Postal Service, and The Get Up Kids had a love child…that’s what Jack’s Mannequin sounds like. Blending fiercly melodic (but simple) piano riffs, catchy vocal stylings and an energy that jumps off the cd, these guys are gonna be the ones to watch in 2006. Off their newest album, “Dark Blue” doesn’t change much throughout the song, but has a steady energy throughout that’s immediate via the lead singer’s vocals, which are slightly raspy. His range is excellent as well, adding something to the song unlike some bands who sing in monotone. The entire new cd is excellent and definitely worth checking out, even if you’re not a big fan of the three above mentioned bands.

Overall…4.6 Joints. Not much of a stoner album, but still a great listen for an afternoon jaunt on the highway.

Tyte Wurk - “Mary Jane Remix”

Backing Vocals : 5
Backing Sample : 5
Hi-Hat/Kick : 3
Flow : 4.5 (very bone-thuggish…i dig)
Range of Vocal : 5

Overall, this track was pretty dope. Not the typical hip-hop/rap that I listen to, but I dig it. It flows nicely, the vocals are very buttery and who DOESN’T love a good weed song, honestly? Tyte Wurk brings back memories of early Bone Thugs with the speed and delivery of his flow and even the range at which his voice goes within the first break of the song. I give this a 4 1/2 out of 5 Joints rating.
Tyte Wurk can be heard at: Superkala Records MySpace

Radiohead - “Climbing Up The Walls” (Zero 7 Remix)

Samples - 5
Orchestral Additions - 5
Chance of Vinyl Release - 0
Production - 5
Sexiness - 5
Overall - 5 (the release thing doesn’t really count…this track is just too fuckin sexy)

Zero 7 have been making lush, orchestral downtempo/trip hop for numerous years. I was looking for some new stuff by them online when I happened across this remix. As a dj, I hear a LOT of remixes…most are crap, but some turn out like this and just make you melt. It starts off pretty minimal, but then after the first verse the strings come in and just blow you away slowly, rising and echoing, reminding one of being on a beach at low tide right before sunset. If you have a download program, FIND THIS! It’s definitely worth the 2 minutes to download and it’s not available on cd as far as I know. I’d give this a 10 joint rating if it were possible. Download, fill a bowl, put on repeat and blaze on.

Written by Bucho

Music w/ DJ Bucho | No Comments »

When did it seem like a good idea to down a bottle of Nyquil? Around 1 in the morning last night that’s when. Out of pot? Don’t chug Nyquil. Laying awake unable to sleep? Don’t chug Nyquil. Depressed? Don’t chug Nyquil. Maybe it’s my new found alcoholism or my tolerance for over the counter medications, but don’t chug Nyquil. Wanted to sleep that’s it, shouldn’t have chugged Nyquil. Although Cheers is a much better show when you chug Nyquil, don’t chug Nyquil. I hear Robotusen is much better, but just say it with me: “don’t chug Nyquil.” Wake that worthless dealer of yours up and get some pot. What’s that you say? I’m broke. Look, smoke banana peels but don’t chug Nyquil. I would recommend physical fitness, but none of you worthless potheads (or me) are going to do that. The following are “recommendations” for sleep, when you know better than to chug a bottle of Nyquil.
1. Meg Ryan movies (yawn)
2. Listening to the jazz hour late night
3. Math class
4. 20 it’s that time somewhere in the universe every second of every day.
5. .Read this article
6. You know what, screw it chug a bottle of Nyquil, bottoms up I’ll see you all in hell.

Written by Handsome Rob AKA Tokey The Bear

Rants | No Comments »

Question: “hey i was wonderin when im high and need to go home what is the fastest way to get rid of my high or is it like bein drunk with no way to sober up fast??????”

Answer: I know it sounds gross, but vinegar… take 3-4 shots of vinegar. That will make you come down. Other options include holding your breath while hopping on one leg, stabbing yourself in the abdomen with a mechanical pencil, and plucking your nose hairs. Hey, I have a question for you. Why the hell do you want to come down? You can do everything high that you can sober…. Hell, The National Highway Traffic and Safety Administration found that drivers under the influence of marijuana are LESS LIKELY TO CAUSE AN ACCIDENT THAN SOBER DRIVERS. What more can I say?

Reader Q&A | No Comments »

Whatever happened to the days of innocence? Yes this may seem a little belated, but I as I smoke my mind tends to wander from place to place. These are the ramblings of Handsome Rob, aka Tokey the Bear. So that’s me, and that is the question I pose to you. As I get on in age I have come to two realizations. Realization number one- Kids these days, what happened to the days of when your revenge on a bully consisted of waiting five years, bidding your time, selling your bully oregano joints, then eventually low grade pot that they thought was “the best weed ever” (stupid bullies). You know this is what we did, and then after those five years of high school (that’s right five years what’s it to you) we would run into those same bullies and you know what? They were smoking crack now and had five kids (stupid bullies). Now there is revenge so next time you want to go get a gun and take it school, remember you are a pot head. Pot heads don’t shoot people they sell them fake drugs. I suppose that’s the moral… If you are going to sell fake drugs, sell them to stupid bullies (smart bullies might catch on and kick your ass). However if you do run across an intelligent bully, more than likely you can reason with them. Smart people don’t make good bullies. Stupid bullies. Realization number two- I need to stop watching CNN. What ever happened to the NASA channel or as I call it the ACID channel? Yes there is a lot to learn from NASA like the winner of the Super Bowl (Steelers 23, Seahawks 20) or why the Native Americans smoked pot and took hallucinogenics. Seriously without television the next best thing are stars. Next time you’re high I recommend looking up and trying to figure out constellations and not those constellations you tried learning in high school when some bully was trying to flush your head down a toilet, (stupid bullies) but your own constellations. Women like intelligence so just fake it. Alright well now I have another realization. Okay fine two more, damn it now it’s three, lets just make it four and call it even. Alright just say it, four-twenty. Time now for a small weed break, break. And we’re back. Realization number three- Shows starring Tom Cavanagh make you stupid, not pot. Realization number four- Dr. Phil doesn’t know what he is talking about. Which brings us back to the original point, women like men who are intelligent or in Dr. Phil’s case can fake intelligence with words like, “well how does that make you feel?” To tell the honest truth like I just got raped by Oprah. On a side note my grandmother feels as though Oprah is nothing but a whore, then again she thinks all the women in her home are whores (it would be sad if she wasn’t dead serious). Realization number five- I forgot where I was going with this. Realization number six and final-When you love someone don’t fuck it up, otherwise you will sit there alone no one to smoke with and you will end up rubbing yourself raw. These ramblings will get better and if you have anything you want my opinion on send me an email at tokeythebear@askapothead.com.

Written by Handsome Rob AKA Tokey The Bear

Rants | No Comments »

Okay, question: Why is it that so many of you religious fucks know so little about your chosen faith?

Seriously, that shit pisses me off. I am not saying that all of you church goers are ignorant to your religion, but a damn lot of you are. Look, if you are going to be so devoted and committed to a belief that you are willing to harass me about my lack of faith in your god, or your church. if you are going to try and convert me to your side, don’t you think it would be a good idea for you to know your side better than I do?

So many times (and often in my own family) I run across people who chose to criticize me for the fact that I am not going to church every Sunday, and I have not accepted Jesus as my personal savior, yet they don’t know the history or origin of their own religion. I mean I have heard of blind faith, but this is just stupid. In fact I think I will call it that from now on: Stupid Faith.

“We do you have faith in God little Jimmy?”

“Well, my mom and dad told me to, my preacher told me to, and even the president told me to, so I do too.”

Stupid Faith.

When I was in high school some years ago, we did the musical, “Jesus Christ Superstar.” I recall a conversation with a girl who was in the production. She grew up in a hard core Christian Family: Bible School, Youth Group, Church EVERY Sunday, praying before every meal. She often condemned me for not following her beliefs. I remember the conversation began with her saying that the “Jews killed Christ”, her personal savior. I commented how ridiculous that was to say. She asked why, in a very accusatory manner. I replied quite simply, “Because. Jesus was a Jew.”

Her reply, “NO HE WAS NOT!!!”

A handful of us had a good laugh at this. Here was a girl that had been educated on “Christianity” ever since her mother popped her out her womb, and yet in all these years, she had no idea where her religion came from. She had no idea that Christianity had been spawned from the Jewish faith. No idea that the “Old Testament” was in fact the Jewish “Torah”.

Stupid Faith.

I just don’t get it folks. Why is it so hard to study the history of something you claim to love so deeply? Worse yet, how can you push religion like a drug pusher pushes dope, when you have no idea what you’re pushing?

And I realize there is a small percentage of you out there who do know your history (although probably none of you are kickin’ it here, skimming through “askapothead.com”.) but those of you who do know, should really help the others out with their biblical history. I mean these “Stupid Faith” morons really make the rest of you guys look fucking terrible.

And while I am at it, you might want to do a little background research on other religions before you go around trying to criticize them. There is nothing worse than an ignorant, “Stupid Faith” individual trying to debunk and convert someone from a system of faith the neither understand or respect.

And that is the key right there, having and showing respect to other religions, or the lack thereof. If I chose not to believe what you do, quit fucking telling me I am wrong. I don’t tell you how ridiculous you clinging to outdated mythology is (not to your face anyway), so don’t tell me how wrong I am for living in the Real World.

But I digress.

Look, just read up on your shit, people. Know what you’re talking about before you open your mouth. Personal faith in anything is good. Having Blind Faith in something can be a good thing, but don’t have “Stupid Faith”, because, well.

That’s Just Stupid.

Written by Hashmander

Spirituality | No Comments »