Archive for March, 2006

16 Blocks and V for Vendetta

Posted by Ask A Pothead on March 30th, 2006

Hey, what’s up readers? I just visited with me padre’ this weekend and we decided it would be a good idea to smoke up and head out to the movies!

First we went and saw 16 Blocks with Bruce Willis and Mos Def. The Movie description is ” Bruce Willis plays a broken down detective.” So I mean it only makes sense that it would be another classis Bruce Willis film! (Even though his part in sin city and …well all his movies… is the same he is a badass.) Just like I expected, it was a good movie, which I had already seen. While Mos Def was surprisingly good in his part with that crazy voice thing. All and all it was a fun movie to go see, and a good excuse to get stoned with my dad. I give this one a generous rating of 7 out of 10 joints.

16 Blocks: 7 joints

Next we decided to go see V for Vendetta, after some new two chamber bubbler action of course. This movie is accompanied with a description along the lines of, government is bad, hero kills people (oh and knows karate), and Natalie Portman. I must admit I didn’t think it would be a very good movie, but I was stoned so what the hell. And damn was I surprised because this movie was pretty much just badass! And I don’t know who Hugo Weaving is but he is a Top… Gun… Actor! This movie pretty much has the stoner spirit of “fuck the police!” and “Fuck Bush”, and it has a kick ass ninja who kills people because he is pretty much just crazy. I never read the comic book that there apparently was; otherwise I may have known what was going on a little better. Because I just am not sure about the whole past thing, but this movie kicked ass. Go figure.

V for Vendetta: 9.5 Joints

Well back to smoking and myspaceing for me…. Peace.

Written by Cannabis John

Immigration: The Problem, The Solution, and Who’s to Blame

Posted by Chronic on March 29th, 2006

I gotta say I was kinda disappointed that there were just peaceful protests and no riots…

It all seemed to happen pretty quickly, the government mentioned possible new laws including one that would make being an illegal immigrant a felony offence. In a matter of days, America’s Latino population staged one of the largest protest this nation has seen in years.

My issue is with the criminal behavior… not that of the immigrants, but that of the American employers who are hiring these people at ridiculously low wages and offering no benefits. I agree that there should be some sort of punishment for entering the country illegally, but that penalty shouldn’t be nearly as significant as the penalty that should be imposed on unscrupulous businessmen who are exploiting both legal and illegal workers in the name of capitalism! Not only are these employers underpaying their illegal employees, they’re not insuring them, so when one is injured or gets sick, their healthcare costs are passed on to the legal workers.

I can understand the frustraion on the American worker, I am one, but to hold the illegal immigrants responsible for the current state of affairs is flat-out stupid. They’re just as much victims as we are. We’re all victims of the businesses who chose to violate the law in practicing the hiring of illegal employees. While the republicans want to turn this into a “patriotic issue” it’s not. It’s a money issue. The people who have it keep fucking over the people who don’t in order to get even more of it. And they don’t care if you’re Latino or Anglo, they don’t care if you’re legal or illegal… they only care about the color and legality of the dollar they’re not going to pay you, and not have to pay taxes on.

Big business needs to be held responsible. Big Business should be fined for all of the dollars that they’ve taken out of the American economy through reduced wages, withheld insurance spending, and tax-fraud. I don’t think illegal workers should get off without penalization, but haven’t they already been penalized? I mean isn’t working for less than minimum wage with no benefits punishment enough? These people aren’t stealin’ $100k a year jobs and buyin’ houses in the suburbs… They sleep 8 to an apartment and grow their own vegetables on the balcony… They’re not exactly living the American dream. This dream is what we want to say they’re fucking up for the rest of us… we wanna “blame” them.

When you really examine the issue though, the “blame” for this “problem” rests squarely on the shoulders of the American public. We allowed the big businesses to become so politically influential that their interests supereceded those of the people somewhere along the way. We allowed the American military to carry out chemical warfare on central American and South American countries… When we’re dropping poison from one plane to kill off marijuana and coca and dropping propaganda leaflets explaining how we’re saving the inhabitants of these regions from the evil drug-lords by poisoning the ground they live off of, where do you expect them to go? Of course they’re gonna come here!

It’s your fault! You were too busy watching Kelly Clarkson and stuffing your face with processed cheese products to pay attention to the political climate. You let this shit happen. You elected democrats and republicans. You supported the cause of big business, you wanted to make it easier for them… and you have.

Don’t blame me, I’m part of that 1/2% that voted Libertarian.

Does “legal bud” Work?

Posted by Chronic on March 26th, 2006

Question: “Mr pothead,
I just moved to a new city and have no connections here. I am missing my green and have turned to the internet to attempt to get some. I ordered from the herbal smoke shop which claims to have 100% legal bud, whatever the hell that means. I am just wondering if they are for real or if I just got ripped off. Also, could I get busted for buying over the internet. It seemed kinda risky but I’m desparate. Please give me some words of wisdom. Thanks.

weedo69″

Answer: While the highs are varied and usually differ significantly from that of marijuana, some of the “legal buds” can be fun. I had a high school buddy who had an older brother that regularly ordered weird legal buds from ads in High Times. I smoked a few different varieties, and this was a decade ago so I couldn’t tell you what any of these different smokes were called, but some of ‘em seemed to produce a high. Usually they included instructions to hold the hit in for so long that even without a high, you’d get a head-rush from the lack of oxygen to the brain. Your chances of being ripped off are about 50/50. Some of the stuff works, some of it doesn’t. Some of it makes you trip, some of it puts you to sleep… As far as your chances of getting busted go, that’s probably unlikely. The only chance of that is if the particular plant you’re buying is legal in some states but not yours, and most of these plants are so obscure that there aren’t any laws against them in any state.

What part of the country did you move to? I’m pretty sure that even in the smallest redneck town, there’s a circle of potheads somewhere. Have you tried to make contact? You need to put up a smoke signal. Do you look like a pothead? You should start there. Without actually coming out and saying it, let the world know you’re a pothead. Show ‘em your long hair and sport those concert t-shirts from 10-15 years ago. Talk about conspiracy theories and video games… Let ‘em know what you are. You’ll find a hook up. Find a dive bar near your pad and show up an hour before last call on a tuesday or wednesday when there’s only a few people there. Strike up a conversation with the drunk long-hairs. There’s pot everywhere, you’ve just gotta look for it.

Chief Wana Dubie

Posted by Chronic on March 26th, 2006

“When John Aschroft declared the war on drugs, I declared war right back.” Those were the words of Chief Wana Dubie when asked about his history. After seceding from the union and reasserting his Indian heritage, he declared his land an indian reservation. After a joint session with friends and neighbors, the chief chose his name after a friend offered him a hit and said “Hey Chief, wanna dubie?”

When asked about the reasoning and logic for his run for district representative of Missouri’s 150th, Chief responded by telling me of his incarceration for growing marijuana publicly all over his yard to “test the validity of the constitution”.

After being released from prison, Chief had a dream in which he was “movin’ to Salem Missouri and buyin’ a piece of land.” Quoting “Field of Dreams” he claimed “If he built it, they would come.” Stating that family is why we’re here and “our purpose in life” he told of starting life anew with a new love who was taken from him by the federal government because of legal issues preventing people on probation from associating with felons. He also briefly mentioned that he held the state of Missouri responsible for the death of his mother.

When asked about what the biggest issues facing his district, chief responded by saying “I want to give the government back to the people.”

“I beleive that we need jobs,” he said, and spoke about an inability of citizens to afford overpriced gasoline. He spoke of a solution to the job and oil problems saying “I beleive it’s time to grow hemp. No more blood for oil.”

“I’m not the enemy, I’m not a terrosrist,” he says. “The law has been terrorizing me and my people for years.”

“United we stand, divided we’ve fallen.”

“Give me liberty or give me death.”

These quotes sum up the chief’s feelings on the current political climate and the ideals that made this country great but that seem to have been abandonded by modern politicians in favor of money and power.

Wanting to get some information that you readers would appreciate, I asked chief some more pothead-related questions about recreational activities

He mentioned that he loves frisbie golf, but hasn’t been able to play in Missouri. He digs the musical stylings of The 420 bandits, admits difficulty in hacky-sacking in sandals, thinks a snickers bar is the best cure for the munchies, and has no preference as far as smoking techniques are concerned

When asked for final thoughts, Chief said quite simply: “Love is the way.”

I will be checking back in with Chief Wana Dubie as we get closer to election day. In the meantime, be sure to check out his site at chiefwanadubie.com

Pretty Nugs, Ugly Nugs, Skinny nugs, Fat Nugs

Posted by Chronic on March 24th, 2006

Question: “Dear mr. almighty pothead,

This is kind of a stupid question but maybe you can help me. Ok I just started smoking marijuana about 6 monthes ago and i usually only smoke “mids”. But anyway my friend went into sellin and he was tellin me that he had some “dro”. Me sense i just started i couldnt tell if it was really “dro” or not. He was only sellin to people that dont smoke long which led me to believe that it really wasnt dro. But i was wondering is their anyway possible without having it infront of you or even having it infront of you, you can tell if it’s “dro” or just mids. Thanks!

p.s. I love the site man keep up the good work!”

Answer: The term “dro” is short for “hydro” which is short for hydroponic. Hydroponics is the growing of plants without soil. Usually hydroponic marijuana is grown in a water-solution that’s rich in plant nutrients. Hydroponically grown pot isn’t necessarily better pot depending on what part of the country you’re in. “Mids” as you call them are usually kind bud plants that went hermaphroditic and fertilized themselves or had a male plant hiding amongst the females. The quality of the pot usually doesn’t suffer much, you just have to deal with seeds. There are also what I call schwag-mids that are really really good schwag buds that were never bricked up.

As far as being able to tell what’s what, generally I’d say look for the crystals, but there are so many other factors… I think being able to tell the difference just comes with experience. I have a buddy who recently showed me some of the ugliest nug I’ve ever seen. It was a dark green with a brown tint to it. There were minimal crystals on it. It was super sticky though, and tasted amazing. I’ve also know a kid who grew some stuff back in the 90s and it looked like the prettiest nug you’ve ever seen in high times, and it smelled incredible, but it took several bong rips to catch even a slight buzz off this stuff.

Unfortunately since weed’s illegal, you’re kind of at the mercy of the the dealers in your neighborhood. My only real advice is to befriend these people and try to make your relationship one of friends who happen to do business instead of one of pure business. It also helps to talk to other potheads whenever you have the chance. Different circles and cliques have different dealers. You can compare products and prices to get a feel for “the norm”.

There’s a definite difference in the smell of real “kind” and “kind-of”. I couldn’t describe this to you, but you’ll learn it if you smoke a little longer.

The biggest thing though, like I said before, is to make sure you’re only buying from people who know what they’re doing and whom you trust.

So… uh… I sorta killed my girlfriend’s cat

Posted by Chronic on March 23rd, 2006

Question: “Hey man,

recently i got super stoned on the finest bud i have ever smoked and proceeded to mow my front lawn. I live out in the country so natraly i have a big yard…Riding lawn mower bitches! Un fortunatly, i fell asleep on it only to wake up to a horrible screeching sound and opened my eyes just in time to see my girlfriends cat being spit into the clippings bag. Two questions:

1- where should i dispose of the pieces?
2- should i buy a new one that looks the same?
3- should i tell her?

Please give me some suggestions or at least something to make me laugh, and possibly use in the conversation about her muttilated cat.

TexanBud”

Answer: First off, I have to call bullshit on this story/question, but I’ll respond anyway. You have a few different options as I see it. You could:

A.) Leave the cat pieces in with the grass clippings and pretend to be clueless about the entire incident.

B.) Start putting up “lost cat” posters around town.

C.) Casually mention to her that you saw some coyotes near the property

D.) You could start killing other cats in the neighborhood and make your girlfriend think there’s a crazed cat-killer on the loose.(be careful about hiding evidence if you choose this option)

E.) Tell your girl that a Korean family has moved in a mile away, and you heard pets have been coming up missing.

F.) Act really paranoid about bird flu. Share news articles about cats that have been infected.

G.) Tell her you accidentally killed her cat, take her out to dinner, buy her a whole bunch of shit, and deal with the fact that every time she gets mad at you from this day forth that you’ll be reminded that you’re a cat-killer.

If this is a real story, you’re fucked, bro. You have to tell her if you care about her… hell you have to tell her even if you don’t care about her… but if you don’t care about her, it’d be wise to break up with her right after you tell her, because as i said before, for the rest of eternity whenever this woman is upset with you she’ll bring up the damn cat.

Marc Emery, and US laws in Canada

Posted by Ask A Pothead on March 21st, 2006

So I’ve been hearing a lot about Marc Emery from Canada lately, and about how he was arrested in Canada. Not by Canadian government officials, but rather by the United States office of the DEA. This has in turn brought to attention that our government knows no bounds anymore. The Canadian government had and still has no intention of prosecuting Marc for selling seeds, even with pressure from the US to do so. Despite all that business Pot.TV is facing some trouble and I know I usually don’t do much else then movie reviews but I think it would be a crime if Marc gets put in jail! So I’m going to give some links to show all you loyal stoners how you could help.

This has a video of a Pot.TV show that explains why he needs the money. Free Marc

And this is what he is talking about the link from Pot.TV were you can give up a simple dime sack and give 10 bucks to our friends who are trying to educate people about pot and let people decide. Much unlike our government, which tells people what to think about pot… Please help the cause. Donate to Pot.TV

Written by Cannabis John

You’re Stupid

Posted by Chronic on March 21st, 2006

People are fucking stupid. I’m talking about you.

If you confuse “your” and “you’re”, you’re stupid. If you confuse “then” and “than”, you’re stupid. If you think Andy Milinokis is funny, you’re stupid. If you can name the cast of any reality TV show (excluding classic The Real World episodes… Those are worth mad hipster scene points!!!!111one) chances are you’re a fucking idiot. If you think there are major differences between Christianity and Islam, you’re stupid. If you see two men getting married as a threat to the sanctity of your heterosexual marriage, you’re stupid. If you live in the US and you think you live in a “democracy” you’re stupid. If you think Chris Martin of Coldplay is a talented musician, you’re not only stupid, but you have terrible taste in music too. If you kick a donkey in the balls, it will make the same sounds. If you forward chain mails, you’re stupid… You’re not just stupid, you should be stabbed repeatedly in the face with a plastic spork until either it breaks or you learn that forwarding unwanted crap is not cool (whichever happens first). If you sit in a bar and sip liquor with one hand while eating deep-fried something with the other, and bitch about the smoke in the air, you’re fucking stupid… and you probably wouldn’t have so much trouble breathing if you’d stop shoveling grease down your throat every couple hours… you know smoking reduces appetite.

I know I’m supposed to be a mellow pothead and all, but stupidity gets to me… and it seems that stupidity is growing. NASCAR and Christianity are both expanding at ridiculous rates. Coincidence? I think not. They target the exact same demographic, uneducated, rural white trash… I’m not saying all Christians have to be NASCAR fans, but I’m sure it helps. I hear Jesus was Dale Jr. fan… Of course I also hear he only hung out with men and enjoyed giving them foot-rubs.

The Government’s War on Tolerance, Logic and Nature

Posted by Ask A Pothead on March 19th, 2006

Okay folks.

First off, let me apologize for my absence over the last month or so. I have been busy working a lot lately, and after all askapothead.com isn’t paying the bills…. yet.

Yes, that’s right - as some of you well know, there IS such a thing as a responsible pothead. Despite what the United States government would have you believe with its stand on marijuana, and its “War on Marijuana”, there are actually many functioning, working, bill paying, home owning, tax paying and OTHERWISE law abiding citizens. Which is why I have forced myself to take time out of earning money to feed myself and pay the electric bill and my taxes, to drop some knowledge, and pitch a seriously important bitch.

If you have not already, check out The Wise Old Stoner section… Uncle Lung Hacker has a nice post and a link to the story of the DEA’s arrest and extradition of Canadian Mark Emery, the self proclaimed “Prince of Pot”, and also “one of the attorney general’s most wanted international drug trafficking targets,” and a “drug kingpin” according to American laws. All this just for distributing seeds of a plant. Read the linked story and check out pot.tv for more on Marc Emery.

But here is my beef. What can we do? What can we do, seriously, in a “supposed” republic (and don’t even get me started on how we are not a democracy) where the majority votes based upon misinformation and fear campaigns. People who know about weed don’t fear it. They don’t fear their kids getting hooked on it and finding a gate way to cocaine or heroin. People who know about weed only fear the “man”; the police, the government, the establishment that is here to tell us that they will put us in JAIL for possessing, or growing a plant.

That is it right there.

WE FEAR.

How can a group of people launch a national advertisement campaign to inform and educate the public, when those very people are hunted by the government for those very beliefs? When they FEAR the government arresting them for that? How the fuck does this work? And why does that not sound like America to me?

Here we have a guy IN CANADA… another damn country, and this guy is selling seed. SEEDS! And he is brought to stand trial in the US like a terrorist.

How are we supposed to attack this? It is wrong, it is an infringement upon our personal rights, but what do you do when you live in fear?

And you know it is what they want. According to the DEA, “a significant blow not only to the marijuana trafficking trade but also to the marijuana legalization movement.”

Well there you go.

California has and is trying. They legalized medical marijuana. The state even brought in legendary Hightimes growing guru Ed Rosenthal to run a state indoor medical marijuana farm. What did the DEA do? Well they went in and arrested him and extradited him out of … out of California?? Out of the US…?

They put Ed on Trial and he was convicted. Funny thing was that the federal judge did not allow the jury to be told that Mr. Rosenthal was a state employee and was growing this “illegal plant” at the request of the state of California. In fact, when the jury found this out after the conviction of Mr. Rosenthal, most of them agreed had they known this, they never would have found him guilty.

How do you fight for change in a “free country” where government is supposed to be “of the people, by the people, and for the people” and the Fed’s won’t play by the rules.

Is it the cigarette company lobbies? The alcohol industry? Who exactly is it that is fighting this misinformation propaganda war against marijuana?

And what the fuck are we functioning, working, bill paying, home owning, tax paying and OTHERWISE law abiding citizens, supposed to do to teach the rest of this Bush electing country that weed is not the enemy, nor will it kill your children, nor does it fund terrorism, nor is it a “gateway drug”.

I think talk radio host Art Bell said it best, and I am paraphrasing here, but he said,

“I think when you tell kids that marijuana is this terrible evil drug that will hurt them, and the try it, and it doesn’t do anything they were told to be afraid of, they learn that authority lies. This is the true ‘Gateway’ to other drugs, because now you have lost the trust of your kids.”

Too fucking true.

So what are we going to do people?

What are we going to do?

I know one thing,
first, I’m gonna go load another bowl….
For Marc,
and Ed,
and all the others who have fallen
and been taken prisoner
in the terrorist attacks
committed on American soil
by Americans
against American
who just happen to like to smoke a little weed every now and then…..

And then I am going to re-read my copy of “Ain’t Nobody’s Business If You Do : The Absurdity of Consensual Crimes in Our Free Country,” by Peter McWilliams.

You should run out to amazon.com and buy yourself a copy.

Here:

Buy it!

Buy it. Read it. Get high.

And somebody tell me when you figure out how to change this bull shit fear we live under.

Written by Hashmander

The Old Stoner drops us another letter

Posted by Ask A Pothead on March 19th, 2006

Hey guys, Did ya read the article about Marc Emery being arrested by DEA?

Here is the link, it would be great to patch in some how.

Link

Oh, and I also found a kewl bikini for the site (attached).

I will try to write something soon, I have just been too stoned to think lately, feels good!

Later dudes,

Site is looking great

Lung Hacker

Written by The Old Stoner

Chief Wana Dubie Update

Posted by Chronic on March 16th, 2006

I talked to the chief last night for a while and we discussed everything from the systematic oppression of hippies to the need for more frisbie-golf courses in Central Missouri. He revealed the meaning behind his name, and what he hopes to accomplish with his campaign. The full interview will be posted in the near future. Keep checking back over this green weekend for the latest updates on The Chief and his campaign for district representative of Missouri’s 150th.

For additional information see: chiefwanadubie.com

Get Your Green On

Posted by Chronic on March 15th, 2006

Are you ready to get your green on? I do that every day, but this Friday will be a special day to get your green on. SAFER (Safer Alternatives For Enjoyable Recreation), an organization based in Colorado is actively encouraging Americans to put down the flat green keg beer and pick up a nice, fluffy, green nug in it’s place. The organization uses simple logic expressing that people are far more likely to be injured under the influence of alcohol than that of marijuana.

As a pothead, I can appreciate the logic, but St Patty’s day is about the Irish. There’s nothing more Irish than alcoholism and brawls. While this may offend a few of the Irish readers (the sober ones) it’s true. If we start detracting from the traditional meaning of St. Patrick’s Day (drinking, fighting and fucking… leave the snakes out of it) it’ll deteriorate like other holidays have. Can you imagine the conesqueneces of the further commercialization, bastardization and hippification of St. Pattrick’s Day?

It’s only a decade before the Leprechauns are sportin’ tie-dye and birkenstocks. The radio commercials with bad Irish accents will be replaced by the voices of Tommy Chong wannabes inviting the public to their bar for “pot of Acapulco Gold” and a live jam-band! Nugs will replace shamrocks… gradually the letter “H” will slip into St. Patty’s Day and future generations will know it as “St. Phatty’s Day”…. Corned beef and cabbage will be replaced with frozen pizza and funions, and who knows if it will end there.

We could start a revolution! We could stoner-ize more than just St Phatty’s day, we could change the world, maa’aan. All we need is some motivation.

“Dude-bro, are you goin’ out to start the revolution? Ya wanna smoke this bowl first?”

“Put a hippie to work in 06″

Posted by Chronic on March 13th, 2006

It’s an election year, and every election year new candidates spring up with different agendas and plans for fixing the problems that face their communities. Today I was made aware of a candidate in Missouri’s 150th district who goes by the name Chief Wana Dubie. Chief’s running as a Libertarian and champions drug law reform among other things. I’m trying to set up an interview, and will hopefully have more updates on this hippie and his campaign in the coming days. While you wait for what promises to be a great interview, check out the chief’s site at chiefwanadubie.com